The Myth of Natural Order

People often describe the natural order as "All men are dominant and all women submissive."

Nice little nutshell. Unfortunately, the world doesn't fit into a nutshell quite that easily. I believe that when Norman referred to "the natural order of things," he was thinking on a broader scale. I believe that Norman's philosophy of natural order was intended to encourage people to know and live as nature intended them to do. However, not every person is the same. The human species is infinitely diverse. Each person is unique in their own way. The purpose is for each to find that singular niche that they alone fit into and fulfill that. Just as nature created those who fit the "norm," so too did nature create those who do not. And they have their place. Each has a place of their own, a purpose to fulfill within nature's tapestry.

There are a small percentage of people who were born homosexual. No one knows for sure why that is. Whether it is genetic or some hormonal imbalance, it is something that is inherent. It is not a chosen way to live. In fact, some in an attempt to "fit into the norm," will attempt to deny it. Some will marry and produce children, raising families and interacting for years, keeping their "abnormal" desires a shameful secret.

Having known more than a few people in this situation, I can say those marriages generally fail. Usually when the person finds they can no longer deny their "natural" instincts. For these
people, being homosexual is not a choice. Living honestly comes with a price. Some pay this cost with lost jobs, careers shattered, friends and families who shun them… some even pay with their
lives.

Why? Why would a person "choose" to live in a way that is almost sure to result in discrimination, ridicule and even personal harm?

Because it is not a choice. Because it is who they are. Naturally. Because to live any other way would be to deny their true nature. And to do that, would be living a lie.

Now I'm not speaking about cross-dressing or transgender disorders. Not every homosexual man is a drag queen nor does every homosexual desire to surgically alter their body. Those are simply stereotypes used to "dehumanize" groups. If you view them as a stereotype instead of individual human beings, it makes discrimination easier. But there are people who accept and embrace their gender, and enjoy and appreciate the opposite sex, they just prefer their own gender sexually. I don't presume to understand why it is; it's not really my business. But I do believe that there are some people who are just "naturally" homosexual.

This I think Norman portrayed in his homosexual couple, Appanius and his slave Milo. They were not shunned or cast out of society. They were not pointed at or ridiculed. They simply were. People who were naturally homosexual and living their lives. They were not considered an aberration or wrong… just different. But they were indeed, Gorean.

There is another type of homosexual behavior that is not a result of natural inclinations for the same gender. What I call "situational homosexuality." This is not inherent, or genetic. It is entirely dependent upon the situation. A prime example is men in prison. Normally heterosexual men, who when denied normal hetero interaction with women will indulge in homosexual behavior. To quote a friend of mine, "Some men will schtupp mud." What is interesting to note here, is that these men (and sometimes women) are naturally heterosexual. It is only when normal heterosexual interaction is denied them that they resort to homosexual activity.

Norman depicted this type of homosexuality with his "Sames." Remember they did not "choose" to be Sames, it was a punishment. They were denied normal hetero contact. It was not allowed.

This I believe is what Norman referred to as an aberration. Not homosexuality per se, but the homosexual behavior of those who were not by nature homosexually inclined.

The question has been asked "can a homosexual be Gorean?" I think they can. Does homosexuality go against the natural order? Only if you think that the natural order is only dominant- men/submissive-women. I don't believe it is that simple.

I think Norman's concept of natural order extends beyond male/female relations. There is also the reality of power. Nothing is ever that cut and dried. Not every man is capable of dominating every woman. Each one of us has natural inclinations and desires that are uniquely our own. It is those that Norman encourages us to discover and express.

It is often said that a man does not need to have a relationship with a woman at all to still be considered Gorean. Why can that man not be homosexual? Just because a man is homosexual does not mean he does not accept the realities of power and the differences between the genders. Being homosexual does not mean a man stops being male. There are gay firefighters, police officers and lumberjacks. The list goes on.

I think Norman's intent was for each person to examine, understand and embrace their own true self. To seek that unique place that fulfills them and to express their humanity (and sexuality) in the most natural way possible.

Can you be homosexual and still be Gorean?

There was a time when I would have answered vehemently, "No."

I was wrong.

What sometimes seems so black and white is not always that simple. In between black and white are an infinite number of shades of gray.

It is easy to see what is on the surface and make assumptions and judgments based on what is readily visible. However, true enlightenment is only found when one dares to look beneath the surface.

Dive deep.

Beneath the surface….

That is where the truth lies.

I wish you well,

~Dangrus

"Meow!"

There are some topics that seem to spring up repeatedly on Gorean forums – it’s almost as if there were some pre-determined rotation.

There is the “Let’s start a Gorean community way out in the sticks!” This is generally those who want to role play offline and want some privacy to run around naked and swing their swords. (And it’s always the folks you don’t ever want to see naked.)

“Can slaves have honor?” comes up pretty consistently.

Then there is the “If a master holds a gun to my head and tells me to jump off a cliff, am I still a REAL slave if I say no?” (This one is hands down my favorite for pure entertainment value).

And then there is the recurring “There is no difference between a Free Woman and a slave.” This one is sometimes brought up and defended zealously by some self-defined slave who has an issue with a particular FW. Or perhaps the “slave” isn’t getting all the attention/sex/love/adoration she (the slave) feels she is entitled to. Or, maybe she just wants to push her limits because she’s chafing at those “slavery rules.”

I think of these types as “slave-buts” They want to be slave when it’s fun and sexy – BUT- when it gets uncomfortable or boring, or no one is telling them how pretty or perfect they are – hey – don’t treat me like a slave!

As the debate escalates, the “slave” gets more strident, more shrewish and more obnoxious – her focus is on winning despite her passive/aggressive “I only wish to understand” disclaimers when anyone dares to call her out.

And as always happens, said slave’s “Master” will jump in the moment anyone disagrees with his precious pet. (He generally supports her because she might shut off the nookie)

Not to be outdone, there is the flip side to this – the Free Woman who is jealous of all the attention the slaves get or who has failed at slavery herself. She will declare “there is no difference between a FW and a slave!” She then proceeds to make a fool of herself by attempting to complete with slaves for the attention of men. (Her FC, if she has one, also supports her position because to do otherwise, might result in his own nookie cease and desist order.)

Both of these situations are the result of a woman who hasn’t fully accepted the reality of her chosen status.

Yep, you heard me. Chosen status.

Any woman who participates in this lifestyle is making a conscious decision to do so. Whether free or slave, she wouldn’t be here unless she chose to be.

And for some, there comes a time when they will doubt their choice. The slave will get to a point where she resents that the Free Woman can speak with impunity. The Free Woman will itch to be the focus of the man’s attention.

They will begin to question why they can’t have it all. Rather than simply accepting the differences, they chafe at the distinction between them.

One wants to be better or more desirable than the other. Women are naturally competitive – especially when it comes to men.

But this is all part of the learning process. These women will inevitably follow one of two paths. They will either continue to argue, trying to twist and mold the Gorean tenets to fit what they want them to be – eventually becoming so frustrated they leave. Or, they will stop fighting, accept their place in the ladder of power (whether free or slave) and hopefully reach enlightenment. But until they figure it out, they won’t stop fighting.

So I don’t involve myself in the debate anymore. It’s pointless to argue. It’s another stage of the evolution – a part of the growth process. And history has shown us…

They’ll either get it on their own… or they won’t.


Wish you well,

~Dangrus

***Footnote: – You will note that both of the women described above are involved with men for whom the driving motivation is nookie. It has been my experience that actual Gorean men will generally not involve themselves in these catfights. Accountability is one of the main Gorean tenets and the belief is that if you shoot your mouth off, you should have the chops to back it up or take your lumps.

Freedom and Women

Greetings Folks,

I was talking with my friend Tusker one night and one of the thoughts that came up was how the image of the Gorean Free Woman has changed over the years.

When I first began interacting with Goreans, I was told that all Free Women were Dommes.

"But I'm a submissive woman."

"Shhhh.... don't tell anyone that! Only slaves are submissive."

"But I'm not a slave."

"Yes, Mistress."

Coming from a D/s background of many years, each time a slave addressed me as "Mistress," it immediately brought to mind images of black-leather-clad-whip-cracking-Dommes. The thought made me shudder. That was so not me. So, for some time I insisted that slaves address me as "FW" rather than "Mistress."

Naturally, this caused no small amount of furor. There were some men who insisted that their slaves address me as "Mistress," and for the most part I respected that, but as for the rest, I was "FW Dangruscurvz." (To some, “that odd submissive Free Woman”)

A good friend of mine always insisted that all slaves address me as "Mistress" when in his presence. At first, I resented that. I saw it as an infringement on my rights. However, looking back now I can see that he was in his own way attempting to push me to accept my place in the food chain. I was not a slave, and I had to learn to exercise the authority that was mine by virtue of being Free. (Thank you, Vigameister)

As I read and learned and grew within the Gorean Experience, the title "Mistress" became less of an issue, but I also noticed a benefit to clinging to that "FW" form of address. It had become a sort of litmus test for slaves. Being Free has its perks and how you wish to be addressed by slaves is one of them. As I became more comfortable in my own skin and in my place in the ladder of power, I realized that if I wanted to be addressed as "Empress of the Universe" by a slave, that was my right. A slave who knows her place will simply obey. One who doesn’t will argue and/or lecture on the "proper form of address."

It made it very easy to weed out those who "got it" from those who didn't have a clue.

Eventually, as more and more people began to actually study Norman’s work and dig for the meanings behind the fiction, the image of a submissive Free Woman became less and less of an oddity. With the advent of message boards, the books were dissected and analyzed and studied and discussed and the philosophies defined and examined.

As our focus turned more to how to manifest these philosophies, our respective roles within them became clearer. While on that fictional planet societal status made it easy to deal in absolutes, it doesn’t translate so easily to living as Goreans here on Earth.

In Norman’s society, a woman’s status was defined by men and supported by Gorean law. Here, a woman’s place is chosen (defined by her nature after careful self-examination) and supported by the laws of the society we live in.

Yes, chosen. Each woman will choose her place in the natural order. This is often overlooked by those who are still mired in the fiction. Those slaves who claim to have been captured, taken, or enslaved are quite simply, full of beans. Unless you were clubbed over the head and dragged off in chains against your will, you chose to be slave. Every action, every word is a choice we make. Even if that choice is to not exercise the rights society bestows upon us. To deny this simple fact is to ignore one of the most basic tenets of the Gorean philosophies - Personal Accountability.

This also applies to those “FW” who claim to have been “freed.”

Poppycock.

My personal opinion of any woman who tells me she was “freed,” is that she is simply avoiding taking responsibility for her own choice. And if she won’t accept responsibility for her own choice, if she needs someone to take the consequences for her choice, she is by no means Gorean or Free.

Over the years, we have seen those who have failed (walked away from) slavery pronounce themselves Free. Some deny that slavery is even possible. The “I couldn’t do it, so it must not exist” line of thought. This is just more of the same - refusal to accept responsibility for one’s own actions.

It’s not surprising that these are the very same women we see falling to their knees the next time some man rocks their boat. It becomes a vicious cycle. When they get tired of deferring to every free person, they slap on the robes and spout off. Only to shed the robes again and spread when they crave the attention that slaves attract.

These are not Gorean Free Women. These are not Gorean anything. This switching back and forth is insulting to those Free Women and those slaves who actually committed themselves to manifesting the Gorean ethos and who strive daily to live up to it.

What is sad is that more and more this “maybe I am, maybe I’m not” has been accepted. No one questions it anymore. A few years ago, on the GPB a woman stated that she had not met a Free Woman who had not been a slave at some point. The responses were few and largely ignored.

This is how watered-down this philosophy has become. I want no part of that.

Here is what I have learned over these past thirteen years. Here is what I believe. Here are the standards that I see and strive daily to manifest.

1. A Gorean Free Woman is above all, accountable for her own choices, actions and deeds.

2. A Gorean Free Woman is free to speak her mind, so long as she is willing to back up her words and accept the consequences of speaking.

3. A Gorean Free Woman is not some delicate little flower who smiles sweetly over her veils while expecting men to cherish and protect her. She is strong enough to hold her own with Gorean men and stand her ground when warranted.

4. A Gorean Free Woman is sensual, sexual and vibrant and is strong enough to control herself and knows when to display those passions that drive her.

5. A Gorean Free Woman knows and accepts that there could exist a man (or men) strong enough to bring her to her knees. This knowledge tempers her behavior because she also knows that once she surrenders her free will, there is no turning back.

6. A Gorean Free Woman knows that the ultimate decision (and responsibility) of her status rests with her. She accepts that, commits to it and lives up to that commitment.

7. A Gorean Free Woman understands that her submission is her own. When, where, how and with whom she chooses to share that side of herself is hers alone. (Unlike the slave who surrenders that option upon claiming the status of slave.)

8. A Gorean Free Woman is aware that the slave is not equal to her. While she may share close bonds with those who choose servitude, the line of demarcation between Free and slave exists and it is the responsibility of the Free to make it clear.

9. A Gorean Free Woman understands and respects the realities of power. She knows that not all men are stronger than she is and responds instinctively to those who are. She has found her place on that ladder of power and thrives.

10. A Gorean Free Woman understands that the operative word in that phrase is not “Free” but “Woman.” She is gloriously and exuberantly female….

And in that knowledge…

She finds freedom.

I wish you all well,

~Dangrus

**Originally published to the GPB in May, 2004.

Consistent Creep Factor

This past year I lost my PC - so when I bought a new one, I had to re-establish all of my lost favorites. I decided that since I read but rarely post on message boards, there was no reason to join and create profiles for most of them.

Imagine my surprise when reading one of them, I saw my own name mentioned in a "whatever happened to..." thread. So.... in order to reply (that I am indeed still alive and kicking), I had to create a profile on that forum.

I really thought that the profile I created was clear enough to discourage those who are looking to "hook up"... the first line of the profile is "No, I am not seeking romance." You'd think that would be enough.

I apparently underestimated the sheer relentless drive of the Freak Species so prevalent on the internet.

Daily, I am the recipient of messages like:

"I'll make you obey me!"

"I'd like to suck your toes!"

or my personal favorite -

"Are you married or just discreet?"

Good Grief!

I suppose one must take comfort in the truth - No matter how much we evolve, some things just never change.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

To obey, or not to obey

This began as a conversation on the Gorean Falls message board.

"What is your duty?" asked my master. "Absolute obedience," I replied, in Gorean." pg 106 Slave Girl of GOR.

An impossible command? Not really. To many slaves, this concept of "absolute obedience" is a tough one to assimilate into their lives offline.

Slaves are taught to obey *All* the Free, *All* the time.

Is this wrong? Many would have you believe that. While defending insolent slaves, they will often hurl reminders of the infamous "Slavemaster" at you in defense. Some feel slaves have the right to pick and choose who they will obey.

Here is the flaw in their logic, though. A Gorean chat room (or forum) is a *Controlled Gorean environment* Just as it would be if you were in the home of a Gorean. And within that *Controlled Gorean Environment* it is not only possible, but expected that slaves will obey absolutely the commands of the free. All free. Because they have the security of knowing that most (if not all) of the people within that environment have a working knowledge of the Gorean culture.

Most slaves do not live within a *Controlled Gorean Environment* even if they happen to live under their owner's roof. Even those slaves held under the harshest discipline, will occasionaly find themselves outside of that *Gorean environment* They do not kneel and beg to enter the dry-cleaners, nor do they offer themselves to be used by every man they meet.

While still remaining respectful and pleasing, when outside the *Controlled Gorean environment* a slave's actions must be tempered by the world in which she lives. Common sense and self-preservation demand that.

So what's the bottom line? Just this. A slave is a slave *All* the time. Not only when the computer is on and not only when in the presence of those free she deems Gorean. Her demeanor is respectful and pleasing. Even when dealing with the dry-cleaner or the next door neighbor. There is never an acceptable excuse for insolence or rudeness.

As for *Absolute obedience* well, in her day-to-day life, a slave must use common sense and is called upon to make judgement calls according to the situation.

But... when inside a *Controlled Gorean Environment* whether that is a Gorean chat room, on a Gorean forum, or in the home of a Gorean...

*Absolute obedience* is not only possible... it is expected.

Absolutely.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

***

At this point, a slave asked, "What if a "respected Gorean Master" whom you don't know well, commands you to do something you're not comfortable with... ie, revealing your address, phone number or nude pics?"

***

I replied:

When operating within that *Controlled Gorean Environment,* there is a hierarchy that is in effect. The security in that environment is in the presence of the Owner, host and/or other free in the room to whom the slave can appeal if she feels uncomfortable with a command given.

When outside of that environment, the slave is essentially "on her own" and must trust her own instincts entirely.

The bottom line is that even under the most extreme circumstances, a slave need not step beyond her station. This is an adult lifestyle and participants should be adult enough to handle themselves. That does not mean a girl ever has to resort to rudeness or insolence.

There is a difference between a girl saying "a girl does not feel she knows you well enough to reveal such personal information," and a girl saying "Piss off, buster I don't have to tell you a damn thing!"

When a girl's personal safety becomes an issue, she must decide when or if she will share private information. Common sense should tell you not to give out phone numbers and addresses to people you do not know.

However, when it comes to online interaction (chat or forums) or in the home of a Gorean, whether the command is "get me paga" or "warm my lap," she doesn't get a vote. Nor does she get to choose who she serves within that Gorean environment. That is Gorean slavery. If she's not prepared to serve Gorean men on their terms, she does not belong here.

Oh, the phrase "well respected Gorean master" is a relative term. It all depends on who is talking.

Here's the thing...

Gorean slavery is not some romantic fantasy. It is intense and overwhelming and very real. Gorean men do not accept the "gift" of submission. Instead, they give the gift of complete and uncompromising mastery. In exchange, they wring from that woman every ounce of submission she is capable of and more. There is no "protection" for a slave in the context of Gor. The only protection she has is knowledge. Knowledge of how Gorean slavery works. Knowledge of what will be expected of her.

The totality of what it entails, not just the pretty trappings.

To those who are considering it, I would say this:

Talk to people, many people. Read The Gorean Public Boards and other public forums where people who actually live this philosophy share their experiences. Learn everything you possibly can about the true nature of Gorean slavery. The good, the bad and the ugly. Make sure that you know exactly what you are getting into before you set foot upon the path. Gorean slavery is not about blind obedience... it is about complete and knowledgeable surrender.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

********

Originally published in 2000

Living without a net

As many of you know, I read several message boards. While I don't post as often as I once did, I do continue to read.

On every board you will find "Can slaves fail?" followed by weeks of wailing and whining about "what if the master is drunk and tells her to shoot herself in the head while jumping off a cliff?" doomsday scenarios.

These are nothing more than attempts to avoid any hint that "lil precious" could possibly fail to be what she so very much wants to be. This is interspersed with the predictable chest-thumping hero riding to the rescue of all those "lilones" who might be so stupid as to actually try the cliff-jumping-head-shooting stunt in an effort to prove how really, really "slave-like" they are.

I've read posts by "former slaves" who suddenly cap their names and declare "I refuse to kneel to the capped masses!" (Roughly translated to: "That slave thing looked really cool, but it's too much work.") Some even go so far as to proclaim that they have discovered that (since they cannot be one) slaves must not exist.

The scariest discussion thread to date is what I refer to as "Gor-ville."

It's an attempt to form a Gorean gated society somewhere out in the boondocks where "Goreans can be Gorean" without the pressure of society.

While the various topics may be different, I see a similar "theme" emerging across the boards. Free or slave, it's the same whine.

The never-ending search for "wiggle room." The desire to find that safety net that will guarantee that they never fall, never get hurt, never fail.

There is a constant struggle to take what is natural and real and honest *and difficult* and turn it into something easy. The cost paid to live this is what makes it worthwhile. Stop looking for a free ride.

It is astounding to me that an Adult lifestyle that holds personal responsibility and accountability as two of its basic tenets continues to draw so many people whose main goal is to avoid those very things.

"It's not my fault!"

*sigh...*

Folks,

Sometimes.... it IS your fault.

Accepting, owning our mistakes and failures is the only way we grow.It's the only way to keep progressing along that path toward maturity.

Being Gorean is living in this society with honesty and integrity and the guts to be who and what you are as nature intended. It's owning your screw ups as well as your victories. It's embracing your own humanity, not running away from it.

It has been said that Norman's Priest Kings restricted technology on Gor in an effort to control the "human animals" they placed there.

I don't buy it.

I think the purpose of restricting technology was to force those humans to learn to accept, develop and utilize their own strengths. To force them to be the best they can be without any crutches. To force them to embrace their strengths, acknowledge their weaknesses and to experience fully all the joys and sorrows of their own humanity. He did this by removing the means to make it "easier." No excuses, no "buts," no compromise. You either survived on your own strengths…. or you did not survive.

There is no room for excuses, buts or wiggle room within the Gorean lifestyle.

You either are.... or you are not.

If you don't have the guts to live life without a safety net…. You don't belong in the Gorean lifestyle.

Failure is a fact of life.

In order to succeed at anything, you must be willing to risk failing….without guarantees, without safety nets, without"wiggle room."

To those who think they must remove themselves from society in order to live a Gorean lifestyle… I have only one piece of advice.

Don't drink the Koolaid.

Wish you all well,

~Dangrus

*********

Originally published in 2003.

Mentoring those who would be Goreans

If you read (as I do) public Gorean message boards, on each one you will invariably find a thread on Mentoring.

Oddly, all of the posts on various boards on this topic are a precise example of why Mentoring does not work in this lifestyle.

Let's look at it.

On one side, there are those who are gung-ho on the mentoring plan.

Most of their arguments have been based on the premise that those who come after should be able to learn from those who came before.

*Keep them from making the same mistakes.*

OK...

On the other side, there are those who do not believe a formal mentoring plan is effective and/or Gorean.

Why? Well, if you paid attention, you might notice that those who fall on the "Nay" side are those who have been here for years, and many of us have been labeled with that "Mentor" moniker whether we wanted it or not.

You see, those who have been down that mentoring road a few (thousand) times before have a different perspective on how effective it can or cannot be.

Been there, done that, lost the t-shirt.

In the doing, we learned that it is not possible to teach someone to "be."

They must go through the learning, failing and getting back up on their own in order for them to learn. That process in itself defines the Gorean Experience.

As a very smart man named Marcus told me years ago, "Dangrus, you can't save them from themselves."

But that doesn't stop us from trying.

So even though we know mentoring doesn't work, we attempt to mentor those who would be mentors. We share with them the fruits of our own experiences, in an effort to *Keep them from making the same mistakes.*

And do they listen?

Not a bit.

They have to learn from making their own mistakes.

So, with that realization I will now sit back and let them go.

Knock yourselves out. Mentor your little hearts out.

And when you finally "get it," we'll save a seat on the bench for you when that next generation of eager beavers pops up with a zealous need to mentor the next bunch.

I wish you well,

~Dangrus

**********

Originally published in 2004.