Forgiveness is not an entitlement

Accountability. One of the basic tenets of the Gorean lifestyle. That each person, whether free or slave will be accountable for their actions. I have found that while many will speak of Accountablity, few actually comprehend the concept. Being accountable for our actions does not simply mean taking responsibility when we screw up. It also means accepting the consequences of our actions.

Take for example, the man who collars a slave. Promises her an offline relationship while knowing he has no intention of leaving his blissfully unaware wife and kids. Or the slave who accepts collars from two different men. She visits one on alternate weekends, claiming family responsibilities while visiting the other. Or the woman who is a collared slave, but logs on as a "Panthergirl" when she feels like telling off some of the free.

Usually, just as they're about to be exposed, these people "confess their sins." A huge dramatic scene where they spill their guts and follow that with a zillion excuses to justify their reprehensible behavior. Much the same as Death Row Inmates who find God and religion just as they're about to get their butts fried.

We've all seen this. The apologies, the excuses. The "Look at what a good person I am, I'm taking responsibility for my actions."

But that is only part of what Accountablity is. That's the easy part. The rest of it is the part that most people just don't understand. Accepting the consequences of those bad choices they made. That's the tough part.

"Ok, I confessed, I said I was sorry.... Now you're supposed to forgive me."

Sorry, folks it doesn't always work that way. Especially in a community of Goreans. Sometimes, you are not forgiven. Some things are unforgiveable. Oh, there will always be those who will pat you on the head and say "It's ok, everyone makes mistakes." But there will also be those who simply turn away and have nothing further to do with you.

It is at this point, where those who truly have understood the concept of Accountability will accept the consequences of their actions. They know and accept that the loss of that friend or partner is their own fault. They earned it by making the choices they did. There may come a time, further down the path when that person may give them another chance, after they have seen some honest contrition and change in behavior. But then again... that may not happen. Either way, one must accept responsibilty. You have caused this. No one else but you.

Those who do not fully understand the concept of Accountability will usually react in anger. "How dare you not forgive me!" But, forgiveness is not something you are entitled to in any way. Like anything else when dealing with Goreans, forgiveness is earned, it is not an automatic right. There will be those who will forgive, and those who won't. Those who do not forgive are not to blame in any way. It is not some "flaw" in that person which makes them unable to forgive. It is their own personal standards which you have failed to meet.

The failure is not on the part of the one who will not forgive.

The failure is yours.

Accept that.

Live with it.

You've earned it.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

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Originally published in 2000.