Selective Amnesia

It is a common affliction... this "selective amnesia." The memories of our blunders fade in importance while the memories of our victories grow. Like fishing stories. That fish we caught just grows and grows each time we tell the story, while the time we sneezed while casting and got that hook caught in our nose dims to a faint recollection.

Who among us has never made an error in judgment? Which one of us has never done something on impulse that just seemed like "such a good idea at the time"... only to realize you had made a fool of yourself?

Have you? Or you? We all have things in our pasts we would like to forget. Or that we wish others would forget. But, should we forget? No. Good or bad, those blunders are ours. Own them. Each one was a learning experience that moved us one step closer to where we are now. In that way, they were helpful in bringing us that much closer to where we wish to be.

We never truly forget those mistakes. We merely tuck them away in some dark corner, hoping no one will see them. But they are not gone. We push them farther and farther back on that shelf as we move forward. We try to forget. We do our best.

It's been said that it is not the mistakes we make that define our character, but rather how we deal with them. When we take responsibility for them and learn from them, we move forward. The danger is when we try to hide them and ignore them. Each event in our lives, good or bad, was a step upon the path that brought us to where we are. Each person who touches us or whom we touch... a step. There is a lesson to be learned about ourselves in every encounter.

But, we should not be judged for them. Nor should we judge others by their past mistakes. The Man who was once sold at auction as a slave for a day as a joke. Does that make him less of a Man today? No. The Free Woman who entered Gor as a slave. Perhaps it only took her a few days to realize that she was not a slave. So she re-enters Gor as a Free Woman and has been a shining example of that ever since.

When we attempt to forget the past, we lose our perspective. We judge others too harshly in an attempt to cover our tracks. The one who went from slave to Free and never acknowledged it, never owned that mistake, will be the first to berate others for "slave-like" behavior. Those who swept into Gor on tarnback, waving swords and then changed their names to hide it, will be the quickest to point out the same foolish behavior in others.

We should not forget our beginnings. No matter how much we'd like to forget the times we stumbled along the way, we can't. Nor should we. Because it is precisely those memories that allow us to empathize and offer a helping hand to others who are following the same journey as we did.

And because those memories will not allow themselves to be erased... When we try to... When we forget... that is precisely when they suddenly rear their ugly heads... and bite us right in the ass.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

********



Originally published in 1999

Forgiveness is not an entitlement

Accountability. One of the basic tenets of the Gorean lifestyle. That each person, whether free or slave will be accountable for their actions. I have found that while many will speak of Accountablity, few actually comprehend the concept. Being accountable for our actions does not simply mean taking responsibility when we screw up. It also means accepting the consequences of our actions.

Take for example, the man who collars a slave. Promises her an offline relationship while knowing he has no intention of leaving his blissfully unaware wife and kids. Or the slave who accepts collars from two different men. She visits one on alternate weekends, claiming family responsibilities while visiting the other. Or the woman who is a collared slave, but logs on as a "Panthergirl" when she feels like telling off some of the free.

Usually, just as they're about to be exposed, these people "confess their sins." A huge dramatic scene where they spill their guts and follow that with a zillion excuses to justify their reprehensible behavior. Much the same as Death Row Inmates who find God and religion just as they're about to get their butts fried.

We've all seen this. The apologies, the excuses. The "Look at what a good person I am, I'm taking responsibility for my actions."

But that is only part of what Accountablity is. That's the easy part. The rest of it is the part that most people just don't understand. Accepting the consequences of those bad choices they made. That's the tough part.

"Ok, I confessed, I said I was sorry.... Now you're supposed to forgive me."

Sorry, folks it doesn't always work that way. Especially in a community of Goreans. Sometimes, you are not forgiven. Some things are unforgiveable. Oh, there will always be those who will pat you on the head and say "It's ok, everyone makes mistakes." But there will also be those who simply turn away and have nothing further to do with you.

It is at this point, where those who truly have understood the concept of Accountability will accept the consequences of their actions. They know and accept that the loss of that friend or partner is their own fault. They earned it by making the choices they did. There may come a time, further down the path when that person may give them another chance, after they have seen some honest contrition and change in behavior. But then again... that may not happen. Either way, one must accept responsibilty. You have caused this. No one else but you.

Those who do not fully understand the concept of Accountability will usually react in anger. "How dare you not forgive me!" But, forgiveness is not something you are entitled to in any way. Like anything else when dealing with Goreans, forgiveness is earned, it is not an automatic right. There will be those who will forgive, and those who won't. Those who do not forgive are not to blame in any way. It is not some "flaw" in that person which makes them unable to forgive. It is their own personal standards which you have failed to meet.

The failure is not on the part of the one who will not forgive.

The failure is yours.

Accept that.

Live with it.

You've earned it.

Wish you well,

~Dangrus

********

Originally published in 2000.

Citizenship

"Young men and women of the city, when coming of age, participate in a ceremony which involves the swearing of oath, and the sharing of bread, fire and salt. In this ceremony the Home Stone of the city is held by each young person and kissed. Only then are the laurel wreath and the mantle of citizenship conferred. This is a moment no young person of Ar forgets. The youth of Earth have no Home Stone. Citizenship, interestingly, in most Gorean cities is conferred only upon the coming of age, and only after certain examinations are passed. Further, the youth of Gor, in most cities, must be vouched for by citizens of the city, not related in blood to him, and be questioned before a committee of citizens, intent upon determining his worthiness or lack thereof to take the Home Stone of the city as his own.

Citizenship in most Gorean communities is not something accrued in virtue of the accident of birth but earned in virtue of intent and application. The sharing of a Home Stone is no light thing in a Gorean city."

Slave Girl of Gor, page 394

The issue of citizenship is something that is often overlooked when discussing the Gorean lifestyle and the philosophies that anchor it. While honor and natural order immediately spring to the lips when asked to define the Gorean lifestyle, rarely does one speak of the priveledge and responsibilities of citizenship. In reading (and re-reading) the books, it becomes apparent that while this is something that Norman's Gorean people accepted as a part of Gorean life, it is something we often forget.

There are two points brought out in this one quote. The first is that for free men and women, citizenship was not an "entitlement" as it is in our society today. It was something that was earned. Only after examinations were passed and the youth was questioned and vouched for, was he or she deemed a citizen of that city.

The second point is that with the priveledge of citizenship and all the rights implied, came a responsibility. An obligation to be a productive member of that society. Throughout the book, I read a strong sense of duty on the part of each free person, male or female, an obligation to carry their own weight in exchange for the right to be regarded as a citizen of that city. This was accomplished by each working within their caste.

I think Citizenship is one of the most essential tenets of the Gorean lifestyle. It is also one that is often misunderstood by newcomers. Having read the books or a website or two does not guarantee automatic acceptance. It is not enough to step up and proclaim, "I am Gorean!" One must prove it. Prove that their intent is honest and sincere. Prove that they are what they say they are. Until a Gorean is sure of a stranger's intent, he will be treated with a degree of caution. While not necessarily rude, we tend to hold strangers at arm's length until we have formed an opinion as to their sincerity. Our trust, as with anything worth earning, is hard won.

However, once a person has been accepted into the Gorean community, I believe he has a duty to contribute in some positive way. Just as we have a civic duty to the local community in which we live, we also have a duty to the Gorean community. Those of us who call ourselves Goreans have an obligation to protect and promote the truths around which we center our lives. I know that for myself, I had been exposed to Gor for almost a year before I truly believed I had earned the right to call myself a Gorean woman. With that right, came an almost overwhelming sense of duty to "give back" to the teachings around which I structure my life. Gor is my anchor. It affects every area of my life from my interactions with friends and employees to the way I relate to my family. Because of this, my need to somehow "repay" that debt is also a constant.

I consider myself lucky to have discovered Gor at a time when the ratio of Goreans to Players was much higher than it is today. I learned the tenets of this lifestyle from those who live it day to day. I had the priveledge of being one of a very few new ones in a group of Goreans who were gracious enough to answer my countless questions and teach my by their example. The debt I owe them is immeasurable. And it is one I strive each day to repay, through my writings and the time I spend answering questions and guiding those who are new to the places where they will learn the truths. This is not a job, nor is it something I do expecting any sort of repayment. It is my responsibility as a citizen of this community.

Originally published in the August, 2000 issue of The Gorean Voice.

Chance Encounters

Each time I read Tarnsman, I find myself returning to one scene in particular. Tarl's encounter with Nar of the Spider People.

It occurred to me that while Norman spends pages using Warriors and the "larger than life" main characters in his books to expound on concepts of honor and integrity, it is the less vocal ones who demonstrate those principles.

For example, Nar. He does not agonize over his actions. For Nar, there is no choice. He simply does the right thing. For no other reason than that it is the right thing to do. His matter-of-fact view of how "rational creatures" should behave reflects that.

He states, "I do not think it is appropriate for rational creatures to speak loudly."

When Tarl thanks Nar for saving his life, Nar's humility will not allow him to take credit.

After Tarl saves Talena from the tharlarion and she runs off, Nar calmly brings her back, kicking and screaming because, "She did not remember to thank you for saving her life, which is strange, is it not for a rational creature?"

When Talena refuses to answer Tarl's questions about the Home Stone of Ar and the tarn, Nar gently closes his mandibles around her throat and offers Tarl her head. While the creature surely had the power to destroy her in an instant, he used just enough of his strength to assure her compliance. Calmly, impassively, deliberately... rationally.

To me, volumes are contained in this short exchange. It makes me think that while Norman was writing of his vision of a perfect world, and we struggle daily to actualize those philosophies into our own lives, that much of his work parallels life as it is.

It is not always those who play the big roles in our lives who teach us the most. Sometimes the most profound lessons we learn are in those momentary chance encounters with strangers.

(This essay was originally published in the September, 1999 issue of The Gorean Voice.)

By the Books

There seems to be a never-ending struggle between those who cry, "If it's not specifically in the books, it's not Gorean!"... and those who seem to feel entitled to rewrite Norman's works, proclaiming, "If it's not specifically NOT in the books, it's acceptable." While I doubt that someone who is afraid to make a move without first checking to make sure it is in the "sacred scrolls" is what Norman envisioned when he created his proud, independent Gorean people... there is also such a thing as poetic license run amok.

While adhering to the books is something we should all strive for... the books themselves are contradictory in places and therein lies the problem. The books are filled with unique and singular individuals... each different... but all of them Gorean. What is it that makes them Gorean?... Is it the clothes they wear?... No... From the naked slave to the Tatrix in her robes of gold... all are still Gorean. Is it the way they behave? Do they all conduct themselves with Honor?... Not really... The books are filled with less than honorable people... yet they are still Gorean.

It is the philosophies that tie them together. (Considering Norman is a philosopher, not a foreign concept, huh?)

The belief that Men are naturally dominant and women are by nature submissive. The belief in a natural order that is not to be denied. There are many more, but I think you can see the point.

There are many who read the books of Norman and study all of the websites. We meet them every day. They somehow... absorb all of the details of the books while missing the message. They choose a Gorean name, (usually "Something_of_GOR") and keeping in mind Rule # 1, (Tal the Free and greet the slaves), they come swooping into Gor on tarnback, leading a larl on a leash, demanding paga with a ka-la-na chaser. (You laugh, but that actually happened.) While this person may have a wealth of knowledge of things Gorean, they just don't... "get it." That is not to say they never will... they just haven't yet.

But... If you believe strongly in the philosophies that Norman set down, and hold true to them, they will govern your behavior. If you must think about it... consult the books before you make a move... then, you have somehow not yet grasped the difference between "acting Gorean" ... and Being Gorean.

Becoming Gorean is not an overnight occurrence... but more of an evolution... some are just higher up on the evolutionary ladder than others.

*********

Originally published in 1999

Prisons

"May the outposts of Gor thrive! They have value not only in themselves, but, too, as sanctuaries for life and meaning. Let them continue to be “safe houses” for the mind. " ~JN,2000

One of the strongest bonds that ties Goreans to each other is the knowledge that there are others who share our beliefs. Beliefs which fall outside the current "Politically Correct" views of society.

What caused this Politically correct, gender-neutral society of sameness that we see now? People caused it by "going along." By being afraid to make waves. By being willing to stifle their individual thoughts and feelings in an effort to "fit in" with the herd.

Goreans, as Norman envisioned them, were the antithesis of this very thing. His Goreans did not just "go along." They stood proudly for the things they believed in. Willing to stand up against the herd and say "No!"

"How rare is the truly dissenting voice, and how perilous the consequences of its utterance." John Norman himself is viewed as one of those "dissenting voices."

Unfortunately, what has happened to the Gorean community is that while striving to live outside the parameters of political correctness, we seem to have created a society of "Gorean correctness."

Once again, we have a society peopled by those who only wish to "fit in." To go along with the herd. While it is human nature to want to belong to a part of something, is it really necessary to compromise your integrity to gain that? To say what you think people wish to hear instead of what your heart tells you is true? To agree when you do not believe it?

The primary reason I write and post is to give voice to the things that inspire me to think. My hope is that it will cause others to do the same.

To think.

You don't have to think like I do. Tell me what you think. If you disagree, be willing to stand up and say so and be prepared to back that up with solid reasoning. Perhaps I am wrong. If so, convince me. Or perhaps I can find the words to convince you. Or perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Either way, there will be some further understanding found in the process.

Do not swallow your thoughts and opinions in an effort to "fit in" with the crowd. To do so, is to deny your own self. Because every time you do that, every time you disagree or question something, but remain silent, you add another brick to the walls closing in on us.

Once those walls are built, we have lost. We will have only moved from the confines of political correctness... to the prison of our own making.... Gorean correctness.

************

Originally published in 2001.

Whispers...

This is an oldie, but apparently a popular one because it's stolen more often than any other piece I've penned...

***************

The Evolution of a Gorean

It's like a whisper.

"Pssssstttt.....yes, you.... come closer."

It tugs at some place deep inside you. So you watch. Who are these people? These Goreans. What is it about them that makes them somehow... different? The atmosphere is different. There is a calm... a sense of order not seen in other places. You leave thinking, "I wonder how they manage that?"

You return to your old haunts... the rooms full of chit chat. The familiar scroll seems too fast now... too... full of shallow words. These people, these friends seem so ... frivolous, so silly. Strange, where once you felt comfortable and at ease, now you feel... unsettled. The inside jokes, the "cutesy" expressions all seem so tiresome and trite. You've had a glimpse of something... deeper. The more time you spend in the places you've always gone, the worse it gets. You find the constant inane chatter annoying now. You find yourself becoming irritated over things you would've laughed at before.

Eventually, you get back into the swing of things. That feeling of unease fades to a dull twinge every once in a while. Until one day, someone enters the room. The entire tone of the room changes. It is as if it slows... calms. You can feel all eyes turned to the newcomer. The quiet that settles over the room with his presence. With a gesture or a word, those who were loud and boisterous suddenly are a bit... respectful. You recognize him. He is Gorean.

As soon as he leaves, the room quickly returns to the normal chatter. Only you do not join in. It is back... that feeling of unease. In this place where you have spent countless hours talking and laughing and sharing, you suddenly feel like an intruder. You do not belong here. But, if not here... where?

You begin to read in between visits. Eager to know more of this thing called Gor. And each time you log on, you find yourself looking for those taverns and places Gorean. The more you learn, the more comfortable you feel, and yet... you still feel like a child with his nose pressed to the glass. You spend time there, but... you are still on the outside looking in. Consumed with a burning need to know more, you scour used bookstores in search of the "scrolls." You search the web, hungry to learn, to know. You watch and study and absorb all that you can.

What is it? What is that secret "something" that makes a person Gorean? Is it the words, the terminology? You know the difference between a kajira and a Kaiila. You recognize the cities like Ar and Turia. You even get some of the Gorean jokes. You are beginning to fit in. People greet you when you enter. (You secretly get a thrill each time a slave calls you "Master.") They accept you, converse with you, and yet... there is still that distance. That silent knowledge that no matter how much time you spend there you are still... a visitor. Oh, you may call yourself Gorean, but each time you say the words, you feel a guilty twinge in side and you hear that whisper.

"Liar..."

Back to the books. There must be some... thing... some one important passage that explains it all. You just need to find it. So, this time you read. Really read all of the books instead of skipping the "boring" parts or the "girl" books. You begin to see that behind the warriors and the beautiful slave girls there is an underlying theme in Norman's work. This "natural order of things." They're not just love stories about men and women, but love for nature, respect for the truth. Ok... so now you understand.

You return to Gor, armed with this knowledge. You burn to BE Gorean. Everywhere you go, you speak of Gor. There is a need to share this passion awakened in you. You find yourself quoting chapter and verse from the scrolls. There is a quote to fit every situation. You hardly have to think about it anymore, they simply spring to your lips. You enter a tavern and are served. To be honest, you don't notice the typos she makes because you're so distracted with this talk of nipples and "slave heat." You look down at the girl at your feet, almost giddy with the feeling of power. You think, "Wait till the guys at the office hear about this! Oh, yeah.... I am Gorean."

Again the whisper comes... "Liar."

Well, damnit. You've read the books twice. You know the terms and phrases by heart. You can boss around the slaves with the best of them. You know and understand the principles of honor and slavery. What is missing? Ok, so some of them are a bit extreme. Like that guy who whipped a girl for bringing him Ka-la-na instead of paga. You know the books say he has that right, but hell, cut the girl some slack. And the way she just threw herself at his feet as if her very life depended on bringing him the right drink. What is it about this place? What are you just not "getting?" You know the rules, the accepted codes of behavior. You behave when you are here as if you are Gorean. What are you missing?

You read some more. You go about your life, each day learning and absorbing a little more of this place called Gor. Then, perhaps one day you are in the bank and some mouthy girl is rude to you. You immediately think, "insolent slut!" and a picture springs to mind of her naked in chains at your feet. A smile of recognition spreads slowly across your face. You hold her gaze and speak firmly to her and she responds. Her eyes lower and her voice drops to a whispered apology.

In that moment, it becomes clear to you. It is not enough to know or to understand the principles that Norman set down. You must accept them as true. Accept them as your own. Take your place in the natural order of things. You remember that man who quieted a roomful of giggling subbies with a glance and you know. Gor is not a place you go to when you read a book or turn on your computer. It is not put away when you return to your "real life." Gor is carried in your heart every minute of every day. Gor is not where you go or what you do. Gor is who you are.

You hear the whisper one last time... "Yes... you are Gorean."

"It is a genetic expectation," I told her, "more ancient than the caves, a whisper in your brain bespeaking a lost world of nature, a world in which the human being, both male and female, were bred. You were fitted to one world; you found yourself in another. You were a stranger in a country not of your choosing, a troubled guest, uneasy in a house you knew was not yours."

"I fear my feelings," she said.

"They hint to you of nature's world," I told her. "They are inimical to the machine."

"I must fight them," she said.

"They are reminiscence," I said, "of a vanished reality. They whisper of old songs. The machine has not been able to eradicate them from your brain. Such feelings, in their genetic foundations, lie at the root of women, and of men. They antedate the taming of the fire. They were ancient when the first stone knife was lifted to the sun."

"I must fight them," she said.
"Fight yourself then," I said, "for it is your deepest self for which they speak."

Beasts of Gor..... pg 202

© copyright, Dangruscurvzzz 1999. All rights reserved

This essay may also be viewed in the July,1999 issue of The Gorean Voice.

A new home...

Hello Folks,

It was a bit of a shock to discover that the Gorean Falls website was no more. But then, I hadn't added anything for two years, so I guess I'm lucky it stayed up as long as it did.

I started the site in 1999. The goal was just to put it up to support the Gorean Falls chatroom. Perhaps some Gorean information, rules of etiquette for the slaves and that's it. Who could've predicted it would take on a life of its own.

Over the years, on that site, I shared my own personal Gorean evolution. I tried to document every step - both the enlightenments as well as the mistakes. The "AHA!" moments as well as the screw ups have all contributed to making me the woman I am today.

I will do my best to post some of the best of what was on the Falls site. I don't have everything, but if you have a particular piece that you'd like to see, shoot me an email and I'll try to find it.

I wish you most well,

~Dangrus